Drunk Dial
by SpartanGuard
Summary: The citizens of Storybrooke should not be allowed near phones when they've been drinking.
1. Chapter 1

_I had quite a lot of feels after the last episode, especially regarding Emma and Regina as drinking buddies. This was the only way I could see this working out and ending._

_It's my first fic, so reviews are helpful!_

* * *

"I told you, Swan. I'm a survivor."

As Killian echoed his words from a few weeks ago, back when all this Snow Queen nonsense had started, a sense of relief finally overtook Emma. She leaned in for another kiss, feeling all the passion that had been missing these past few days. She knew his kiss, knew that heat had been missing, but hadn't imagined why—and had been far too preoccupied to really give it thought, a fact of which she wasn't too proud.

"I know. And I think I took that for granted. I should have known—"

He cut her off with another kiss. "It's alright, love. It's done. We live to fight another day." He brought her in closer, and she leaned her head on his chest, hearing the reassuring _thump-thump_.

She didn't want to leave him, or his arms, though she had to admit that the backroom at Granny's was not the most romantic place. But when she caught him as he started swaying on his feet, she knew he'd have to drag him to his room upstairs.

"Hey, you need some rest."

"What? No, I don't," he said sleepily.

"Uh-huh, sure. You're just swooning, right?"

"Pirates don't swoon!"

"Come on, let's go," she laughed.

He had barely made it into his bed. She made sure his phone was on and at his bedside table before tucking him in and softly kissing his forehead. She hated to leave him there alone, but she still felt guilty about Regina's situation. The Queen had now truly lost the man she loved, possibly forever, and it was still Emma's fault.

She returned to the diner downstairs and found Regina sitting at the bar. Emma plopped down on the seat next to her.

"I'm not in the mood for a hope speech, Emma," Regina stated. Emma could see the day's disappointment written all over Regina's face.

"You're mistaking me for my mother. Besides, you don't need a speech; you need a drinking buddy. Shots?" Emma could certainly use one.

Regina paused for a moment, surprised. "Sure. Why not?" Emma requested two shots from the waitress.

While they waited, Emma said, "You know, you did the right thing today."

"There it is! A hope speech," Regina replied. "I thought we were drinking."

"It's not a speech; it's a compliment."

"I don't need your validation; I know I did the right thing. I know because I'm miserable…again."

The shots couldn't have arrived at a more perfect time.

Lifting her glass, Emma said, "If it makes you feel any better…so is Gold."

Regina nodded. "It does."

It seemed an appropriate reason to toast, so they clinked their glasses and downed the shot. Before they got a chance to order another, the door crashed open and Henry ran inside to where they were sitting.

"Whoa, slow down, kid!" Emma exclaimed.

Addressing them individually, Henry blurted out, "Mom! Mom! I found something big. You're gonna want to see this."

* * *

Henry was right. The secret room at the mansion filled with blank storybooks was certainly intriguing, and just the good news Regina needed after her day. Operation Mongoose was still a go. After seeing Henry home, the two women decided to continue their evening at the Rabbit Hole—even if things were looking up, there was still a lot worth drowning in the bottom of a glass.

Another shot turned into two, turned into four, and maybe a couple more. Both Emma and Regina were long past tipsy, and right in that sweet spot of the high of being drunk. They were somewhat surprised to find they enjoyed each other's company much more while inebriated.

"You know, Swan, you're pretty cool in my book…y'know, if I had a book," Regina slurred.

"HA! I GET IT! BOOK!" Emma yelled and slapped the bar, not caring about the way Sleepy jumped from his position farther down the row.

"Why don't we do this more often?" Regina wondered aloud.

"Because there's always someone trying to kill us?"

"Good point, Swan…good…point…" Regina's face darkened slightly at the thought of the last handful of enemies who had found their way to Storybrooke, and of her loss of Robin. Emma couldn't bear to have the mood darkened, though.

"But hey! We're all cool now! My crazy ex-foster mother is gone, Rumple hit the road…it's all good!"

"I guess I can drink to that." Regina made a motion for the bartender, but she was a bit farther gone than she thought and waved her way right off the stool.

"Oh shit! Regina, are you ok?" Emma jumped down, clumsily enough herself, to check.

Regina just laughed. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Emma offered a hand to help her up, and they both found themselves swaying a bit once they were upright again. "Maybe…maybe we should go."

"Ehhhh…yeah."

They somehow found their coats, paid the tabs, and stumbled out into the black, still night, leaning on each other for support because, damn, these high-heeled boots are a little hard to walk in sometimes.

Regina started, "You know Emma? I'm happy for you."

"Oh yeah? Whyzzat?"

"You got yourself a fine piece of…" She glanced around before whispering, "Pirate booty!" Which prompted both women to giggle like schoolgirls.

"You're RIGHT!" Emma exclaimed. "You are so right! You are…where's my phone? I need to talk to my pirate."

She found her phone right where she left it, of course, in her back pocket. She carefully searched for Killian's name in her contacts and dialed.

* * *

Killian never heard his phone go off overnight—apparently, having your heart squeezed several times over is a rather draining experience. So he began to panic when he saw that he missed a call from Emma, and even more concerned to see that she had called at such an unusual hour. She left a message, though, and he had figured out his phone enough to know how to listen.

He did not expect to hear laughter on the other end.

"Heeeyyyyyyyyyyy sexy pirate. [_giggles_] I missed you tonight, and I can't wait to see your fiiiine pirate booty tomorrow."

He couldn't help but grin, especially as another voice in the background chimed in: "Ooh, I wanna see it! I wanna see his booty, too!" "Shut up, Regina, he's mine!" He wondered just how much she'd—they—had to drink. He's seen glimpses of pirate from Emma, but it didn't seem like she could handle her rum.

"Aaaaaaaaaanywaysss, I'm assuming you're asleep, which is GOOD! STAY THERE! Keep your pretty blue eyes CLOSED! Regina here is going to show me how to protect your heart so NO ONE can take it, because it is MINE and I SAY SO." Her voice broke here. "I almost los-lost you today, and I'm not going to do that again. Because you're my pirate, and I'm your princess." He could hear Regina reassuring her in the background. "SO THERE," Emma exclaimed with some finality. He then heard sounds of struggling, and his brow furrowed to hear Emma in distress. "No-no, Regina, it's my—" "BUT I WANNA TALK TO HIM!" He shook his head and laughed as the call went dead. _Oh, Swan, what am I going to do with you_, he thought to himself.

He stood up, stretching, and then grabbed his jacket and slid on his shoes. He made his way downstairs, where Granny had just opened up shop. "Good morning, Hook. What'll it be?"

"Two coffees, please, to go. And make one extra strong."


	2. Chapter 2

_I thought my previous drabble would be a one-shot, but the new promo pics gave me some ideas (that, paired with my love of Captain Charming). Yes, there are blatant _Mean Girls_ and _Galavant_ shout-outs in there, and I drew a bit of inspiration from _Community_ episode 1x16, "Communication Studies." _

_This story may have ran away from me. And be prepared for smoochies._

* * *

It had been one month since anyone had truly been in danger in Storybrooke, so as far as everyone was concerned, that was cause for celebration. The town gathered at Granny's, as usual, and it was beginning to get more crowded as the evening went on. Killian was grateful that Emma's parents had arrived early and snagged the family a table in the corner.

While her parents were off visiting with friends, Killian, Emma, and Regina were seated at the table nursing their drinks. He sipped on his beer while Emma and Regina shared a bottle of wine, which made Killian smirk.

"What, no rum for you ladies tonight?" It also marked a month since the women had enjoyed their night out. Killian still laughed to think of the voice message they had left him, and more so at the state he found Emma in the next morning. It was a good thing he'd brought coffee; even with it, she still had to lean on him for support as they walked to the library.

Emma rolled her eyes at him with a slight laugh, but still held on to his hook (which both astonished him and made him love her even more—it wasn't a hand, but it didn't seem to faze her). Regina, however, was staring daggers, so he turned his focus back to his drink.

"You'll never let us live that down, will you?" Emma said, nudging him with her elbow.

"Where's the fun in that?" he replied with his signature cheeky grin. In the past, Emma probably would have rolled her eyes again at him, but tonight, she simply returned the smile. He could feel his heart rate pick up at the sight of it—something he would never take for granted after his dalliance with the Dark One.

"Well if you two are just going to make eyes all night, I'm leaving." Emma didn't even try to argue against, so Regina took her wine to another part of the diner, muttering something along the lines of "get a room" as she left.

Emma took the opportunity to scoot her chair closer to Killian's. He didn't think he had ever seen Emma this relaxed and happy. She hadn't completely let her guard down—it was Storybrooke, after all—but she was taking advantage of their quiet moments. When she laid her head on his shoulder, he didn't think he'd ever seen himself as happy as he was in that moment, either.

He could have stayed like that forever, until someone coughed and broke him out of his reverie.

"Um," David stammered. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" The prince looked a combination of awkward and angry; Killian was quite used to it. "Because if I am, I don't want to know."

Emma sat up straight and began blushing, which made Killian chuckle. "No, mate; just enjoying each other's company." David was quickly warming up to him; not as much as his wife, but they'd certainly come leaps and bounds in their relationship.

"Ok, well, the dwarves and I were headed over to the Rabbit Hole for some drinks. Would you like to join us?"

Killian was momentarily taken aback—it was still the first time David had included him in an outing. It wasn't until Emma nudged him that he realized David was still waiting for a response.

"Of-of course, mate; I'd be honored."

"Alright; we're leaving in a few," David stated, ever the authoritarian, before heading over to say goodbye to Snow.

Killian turned to Emma, "Do you mind, love?"

"Of course not! You guys could use a boys' night out. And besides, Mom and I could use a girls' night in. Go. Have fun."

"Are you su—" He didn't get to finish his question because she had pulled him in by his lapels for a deep kiss. After a luxurious moment, she released him, smiling. Then with a smack on the arm, she told him, "Go!"

* * *

"So, did you ever meet Captain Morgan?"

Killian couldn't understand why Emma had such a dislike towards Happy; he was a fine enough fellow and a good drinking mate.

"I can't say that I ever did, but he makes one hell of a rum!"

Then again, it very well could have been the alcohol talking. When he revealed to the gents that he'd never drank much beyond rum and beer, they insisted on making him try different things.

There was something called tequila, which he had to chase with a lime wedge; it seemed over-complicated to him, but they all cheered when he downed the shot.

Bashful presented him with a concoction called a Fuzzy Navel, which was overly sweet but Killian actually quite enjoyed. But then Leroy told him it was a "girly" drink and he needed something "manly," and was thus presented with what was called an "Irish Car Bomb." Much like the tequila, there was a lot going on, but he did quite enjoy the Guinness ale. (He assumed there was a story behind the name, but he'd save that for later.)

David came over to his place at the bar with a sheepish grin. "You HAVE to try this beer, Killian," he nearly slurred. He then slid over a bottle of a reddish liquid; Killian was shocked at the name. "Killian's? What kind of witchcraft is this?" "It's just its name, dude; drink up!" Killian grinned at the prince; he was quite amusing when he was inebriated. Killian stabbed the lid with his hook and pulled back to open it (a fun trick they'd discovered that night). The beer went down cool and smooth; he'd have to remember that one.

"Ok, now, it's MY turn," Killian nearly shouted—he sometimes lost track of his voice when he was drinking, but the music was fairly loud in the dark bar so no one seemed to mind. "Barkeep! Get me somathat Captain Morgan!"

"How many?"

"The whole damn bottle!"

The barkeep produced a fifth of the good Captain, and for a minute Killian was perplexed by the screw-off lid—corks were much easier to handle with one hand (and a mouth). "Ok, first drink's for you, because you can actually open this bloody thing."

David laughed and obliged, then took a long swig. He swallowed, pondered, and then yelled, "That's the best damn liquor I've ever had in my life." Killian hadn't noticed the dwarves gathering around, but he was made painfully aware when they shouted in celebration at David's discovery. He couldn't help but laugh himself.

"Don't be shy then; pass it around!" he commanded. It didn't take long for the fifth to be consumed by the men, and it reminded Killian of his days on the Jolly Roger (though it was rare he had quite this much to drink).

Once the rum was gone, the dwarves moved over to a side table to play some game called "pong," while Killian and David stayed seated at the bar.

"You know, Hook, I owe you an apology."

"What for, mate?"

"For treating you like shit for so long. I should have known you were more than a pirate, and you make my daughter so happy. I should be thanking you." David smacked his hand on Killian's shoulder for emphasis.

"Your highness, I—"

"No, no, no; none of that highness bullshit. You call me David, or whatever else you want."

"Ok, Dave"—Dave rolled off his tongue a bit easier in this state—"I'm the one who owes you; if you hadn't had that magnificent daughter, I'd probably still be out there, trying to kill the Dark One. And I'm far happier with Emma than I've ever been, even when I thought Rumplestilt-stit-stills...you-know-who was dead." (No wonder the man went by the Dark One; that name was much easier.)

David could only grin in response, a goofy wide smile that reached his eyes. Then he started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

David continued to laugh. "I don't know; you're just really pretty."

"Um...thank you?" Killian had been called many things in his long life—dashing, handsome, striking—but pretty? Never.

"So you agree? You think you're really pretty?" What was David getting at?

From somewhere in the back of the bar, Grumpy shouted, "Shut up, Regina!" Now he was really confused.

David began to laugh hysterically at the quizzical look on Killian's face. "I'm just joking, man; don't worry." He then threw his arm across Killian's shoulder, bringing the two men closer than they'd been since Neverland.

David was holding Killian's gaze intently, and Killian was equally drawn to the prince's eyes. They were an uncommon bright sky blue. "You know, you're kind of pretty, too, Dave."

"Yeah?" "Yeah." It must have been the rum. It had to be the rum, because the next thing he knew, David's mouth was on his, wet and hot. He had no idea why, but it felt good, and he reciprocated the kiss. He knew he loved Emma, but something about this felt right. He was vaguely aware of a flashing light as they continued; it actually reminded him of kissing Emma, and the fireworks he felt every time. _Like father, like daughter_, he thought.

David finally broke away, a concerned look on his face. "Like what?" "Hm?" "You said something just there." Oh, shit; he must not have said that in his head like he'd thought he had. "Nothing, mate." Awkward pause. "Well, that was fun." _Nailed it_.

"I can see why my daughter likes you so much," David smiled back, obviously moving on. Killian bowed in response, with a goofy grin on his face (which was probably still flushed due to recent events).

He then heard a clatter, and realized his phone had fallen out of his jacket. "Bloody hell, my talking machine!" Emma would kill him if he lost it. "Mate, I gotta find it!"

They jumped off their stools and dove down to the floor, searching for the device. He was blindly reaching around on the sticky floor, until David exclaimed "Found it!" and passed it over.

A button must have been pressed as David handed it back, for the picture of Emma that he'd set as his background became illuminated. He was entranced by it as he stood up and reclaimed his stool; her gentle smile, flowing hair, and playful eyes almost always took his breath away, but even more so now. It was like seeing her for the first time all over again.

David took a bit longer to stand up, but when he finally did, Killian shoved the phone unceremoniously in his face. "Look at how beautiful she is!" He could tell he was shouting again, but he didn't care; he'd shout it from the rooftops.

"Well, duh," David smiled back. "You should tell her that."

"I should! I should. Where's the Emma button?"

* * *

The sun was peeking through the blinds as Emma woke the next morning. She and her mother had had a relaxing evening in, watching "Friends" on Netflix and drinking wine. Her dad and Killian were still out when she hit the hay, which had concerned her a bit, but her mother said they'd be fine. She supposed her mother was better acquainted with the dwarves' drinking antics than she was, so she took her word for it and crashed.

Before going downstairs in search of hot chocolate, she grabbed her phone off the bedside table. Overnight, she'd received a text from Leroy...and a voicemail from Killian. A grin spread across her face. _Oh, this is gonna be good._

She queued it up. "EMMA!" She had to pull her ear back from the phone for a second, laughing.

"Emma! Hi pretty Emma. Oh, you're so pretty. But not just your face, your brain. It's like your big beautiful brain exploded all over your face." She rolled her eyes, but it was good to know her pirate was thinking of her even while out with the boys.

Then she heard her father in the background. "She gets it from her mother!"

"Aye, that she does!" Both men's laughter then took over, but once they calmed down, he continued.

"I just wanted to let you know how beautiful you are, Emma, and how happy you've made me. And speaking of Happy, you should give him more credit! He's a gentleman if I ever saw one. But anyway, I can't wait to see you tomorrow, Swan, and tell you how pretty you are in person." There was some mumbling in the background; it sounded like her father again, but very slurred. "Your father says he loves you, and Emma, I lo—" Then the call went dead.

Emma could only shake her head and laugh. _Those boys_. It sounded like he had a good time, but she did hope he'd made it back to Granny's okay.

She then looked up Leroy's text, wondering what fresh hell he would be shouting about. Her eyes grew very wide when she saw the picture he'd sent, and she started to run downstairs.

"Mom!" she shouted, and she was halfway down the staircase before she heard her mother's reply. "Shhhh!" Snow was watching her from the kitchen and had a finger pressed to her lips, a sneaky grin behind it.

"Mom, what—" And then she saw it. Her father was sprawled across the couch, sleeping, with Killian face down right on top of him, equally passed out. David even had a protective arm wrapped around Killian, whose head was resting on David's chest.

Emma had to clamp her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing as she tip-toed down the last few steps. Her mother had a cup of cocoa ready for her. "Isn't that adorable?" she said with a smile.

"Almost as cute as the voice mail he left me last night," Emma whispered back, and pulled out the phone so her mother could hear it. "Well, I guess you guys are even now," her mother replied with a quiet chuckle.

"Ohhhhh no, I definitely have the upper hand." She then navigated to the picture from Leroy: her father and boyfriend locked in a passionate kiss.

Then it was Snow's turn to bust out laughing, spraying her own hot cocoa all over the counter in a very un-princess-like manner, and Emma couldn't hold her own laughter in any more.

Their ruckus caused both of the guys to stir, and David's eyes opened ever so slightly. "Snow?" he said groggily.

Trying to stifle her laughter, she replied, "Yes, dear?" It took a second, but David quickly figured out that the raven-haired individual lying on top of him was not, in fact, his wife. He quickly tried to sit up in reaction, and unceremoniously rolled Killian to the floor in the process. Killian groaned and reached for his head with his good hand, while David covered his face with his two hands.

Emma ran over, still laughing. "Hey, you ok?"

"Aye, Swan; I'll be fine, once my bloody head stops pounding." She smoothed his hair out of his eyes, before leaning in a little closer, placing a quick peck on his cheek.

"So, who kisses better: me or my dad?"

* * *

_Thanks for reading! Reviews are much appreciated!_


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